Habits deliver numerous benefits, but the downside is that they can lock us into previous patterns of thinking and acting – even when the world is shifting around us.

James Clear


A habit is a behaviour that has been repeated so many times it has become automatic.

Jason Hreha, one of the world’s leading applied behavioural scientists, described habits as “a reliable solutions to recurring problems in our environment.”

However, habits that appear to solve a problem in the short term can create negative consequences over the longer term.

An unhelpful habit is one where the long-term outcomes are unfavourable.

An uplifting habit is one where the long-term outcomes are favourable, even though in the present moment, the habit may feel effortful or uncomfortable at first.

One reason why it is easy to slide into bad habits is because they feel good in the moment. As James Clear says, ‘”the cost of your good habits is in the present and the cost of your bad habits is in the future.”

For example, drinking a glass or two of wine each night may seem like a reliable solution to our recurring problem of work-related stress, however over the long term it is more likely to exacerbate our problems rather than offer any real solution.

Choosing instead to drink  a kombucha with dinner may feel less satisfying in the short-term, but over the long-term it may trigger an upward spiral of positive behaviours that uplift our mood and overall vitality.

For example, choosing not to drink alcohol may support us to be more present with our family in the evenings, experience a better quality deep sleep, be more likely to exercise in the mornings and make better food choices throughout the day.

To switch an unhelpful habit with an uplifting one, we must first awaken to the long-term consequences of that habit and, from a place of full presence, make a different choice.

Unless we are able to “wake up”, we are unable to discontinue unhelpful habits and form new, uplifting ones.

Our daily beliefs, mindset, practices, rituals, goals, habits and choices come together to largely determine our long-term outcomes.

The goal of a self-fidelity practice is to cultivate thoughts and actions that restore faith in ourselves – our worthy, vulnerable, caring, courageous, creative, playful selves.

James Clear said that “every action you take is like a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”

If your habits are like little votes for the type of person you wish to become – what sort of person are you currently voting for?


If you are on the path from self-betrayal to self-fidelity and might benefit from a little guidance and support, click here to see how I can help.