We all contain a life-force that has the power to uplift us and everyone we come into contact with.

The Letting In elements of the practice of self-fidelity supports us to fire-up this life-force by protecting and restoring our vitality.

Most of us know exactly what we need to do to nourish our minds, bodies and spirits. The problem is that we often choose to do things that deplete and harm us.

For performance to be sustainable, we must understand and (most importantly) honour our ‘non-negotiables’ – the things that fire-up our vitality.

When people reach out to me for one-on-one coaching to overcome the barriers to honouring their non-negotiables, it is common for them to explain that they are simply ‘too busy’.

Of course, being busy is not the real reason why we don’t take care of ourselves.

Stephen Covey said “The key is not to prioritise what’s on your schedule, but schedule your priorities“. And for many high-achieving professionals, taking care of ourselves is simply not a priority.

Why? Because many of us have deeply-held beliefs (often below the level of our conscious awareness) that get in the way of us putting our own oxygen mask on first.

So, before we can let in, we need to let go of these beliefs.

And, before we can let them go, we must first understand them.

In many cases, these beliefs are anchored in not-enough-ness or disempowerment. Often they are some version of the ever-illusive yet super-compelling mirage that if I can DO enough and HAVE enough, then I will finally feel like I AM enough.

The beliefs I see obstruct self-care most often for my coaching clients are versions of the following beliefs:

Taking care of everyone else is more important than taking care of myself (because doing a ‘good job’ at taking care of others is my primary measure of my self-worth)

Always being available is more important than taking care of myself (because always being available is my primary measure of my self-worth)

Being seen as a ‘hard-worker/hero/rock’ is more important than taking care of myself (because my ability to maintain that illusion is my primary measure of my self-worth)

Relentlessly striving to prove and improve myself is more important that taking care of myself (because I believe I need to prove my worthiness)

Relentless striving to achieve is more important that taking care of myself (because I believe I can achieve my way to worthiness)

I can’t handle this, so I am going to eat/drink this cake/chocolate/wine to help myself cope (because there is a disempowered version of myself behind the steering wheel right now and I believe I can’t regain control)

These sort of beliefs are very common, and they all put us at very real risk of burnout and ill-heath.

To change our behavior, we must first change our thinking.

Self-Fidelity Practice to Play With 

This week I invite you to find the courage to unpack the excuse of being “too busy to take care of yourself“.

What the real reason you are not taking care of yourself?

When your self-care commitments get de-prioritised – what is the thinking behind your choice to prioritise something/someone else?

What might be possible if you felt more alive and activated?


Without our vitality, we cannot be caring, courageous, creative or playful. Without vitality we are too busy struggling to stay afloat to be any of these things.

Cassandra Goodman