“If you could read my mind, you’d realise that I am actually a terrible person who’s just pretending to be a nice person“.

Have you ever a version of that thought? I know I have, and many of my coaching clients have. It is easy to believe that the judgmental, impatient, petty and often nasty voices in our heads reflect the ‘real us’.

But, they dont.

I think of the voices in my head as a panel of DJ’s working my inner radio station 101.4 Cassandra Goodman. The radio station has just one long time listener and its catch-phrase is Easy Listening, Hard Living. When I remember that none of my inner DJ’s or ‘parts’ represented the real me, and I turn down the volume on their inner chatter, I feel so much lighter and kinder.

None of the voices in your head, none of your judgmental, self-protecting ‘parts’ represent the real you. The real you (your essential nature) is a good and enduring. It is important to also understand that none of your parts are ‘bad, but they are extreme and lack resourcefulness and wisdom – and they cloud your essential nature.

As we learn to turn down the volume on the voices in our heads and tune into our essential nature we come to know ourselves as fundamentally peaceful, caring, connected beings that possesses powerful, positive inner-qualities. We learn that we are not the sum our our parts.

The practice of self-fidelity supports us remember this truth in moments that matter. It is a practice that activates all the positively powerful qualities that already exist inside of us. The qualities of our essential nature (sometimes described as the Self with a capital S) have the power to transform. In the words of Richard Schwartz “The Self is not attached to any agenda, but it does have the intention and the ability to bring healing, harmony, balance, and connectedness to any system it encounters”

Self-fidelity is not about self-improvement, it is about dissolving the inner burdens that dull, diminish and distort the activation of our already-existing, natural inner resources. Continual remembrance and reconnection to our essential nature is the gateway to the embodiment of our most powerful intrinsic ways of being – being compassionate, being courageous, being clear, being creative, being patient, being present and being playful (just to name just a few of our natural, most positively powerful ways of being).

The liberation of our inner gifts will never come about by working harder. The hidden jewels buried deep within us cannot be coerced through even the most elaborate and lucrative system of incentives and rewards. There is no single lever we can pull within individuals or organisations to activate human potential and brilliance at work.

Only through courageous, playful, supportive conversation and action will we expand the frontiers of our understanding and discover entirely new ways of thinking about ourselves, each other and the work we do together.

The journey of uncovering your essence is life’s greatest adventure and your greatest gift to the world.

You really are a good egg. We all are. Discovering this truth can be life-changing.

Self-Fidelity Practice To Play With 

This week I invite you to reflect on a ‘burning question’. Once a burning questions enters your consciousness, you can’t ‘unknow’ it.

This burning question was inspired by William James who said: “There is but one cause of human failure. And that is man’s lack of faith in his true nature”

Here’s the question: What would be different for you if you had complete faith in your true nature?


Our true nature is like a precious jewel: although it may be temporarily buried in mud, it remains completely brilliant and unaffected. We simply have to uncover it.

Pema Chodron