How to Coach Yourself

We have all experienced moments when we find ourselves behaving in ways that are way out of alignment with who we really are.

In these moments it can feel like we have been hijacked by a mysterious force that’s out of our control.

Over my career, I have often had flashbacks of a famous scene from The Wizard of Oz. The one towards the end, where the curtain is pulled back to reveal the hidden workings of the almighty Oz, who is really a frightened, sweaty little man frantically pulling levers.

In moments when we behave in ways we don’t feel proud of, it’s because another (less empowered) part of ourselves has taken over the controls.

OPENING SPACE INSIDE IS THE KEY

To practise self-coaching, self-care or self-leadership, you first need to open up some space inside of you.

To do this, you must first discover the ‘part’ of you that has been activated and in need of coaching, care or leadership. From there, you need to create some space between this activated part and your core self.

You can do this through what can be described as ‘unblending’.

Until we learn how to discover and unblend from our parts, it is impossible to coach, or lead ourselves.

Scott, a client I worked with, once shared his frustration that he was great at coaching his direct reports, but rubbish at coaching himself. Scott was unsure as to why that was. After I taught Scott the practice of discovering and unblending from his parts, he became much more confident in his capacity to coach himself.

When we are blended with a part, the thoughts, emotions and urges of the part become our own.

But there is a way out if we can remember that our thoughts emanate from our parts.

We can learn how to unblend from our parts to regain access to a wiser, calmer and more resourced version of ourselves.

Unblending from our parts opens up space inside of us to relate to our parts from more solid ground – a connection to our core self.

HOW TO PRACTICE UNBLENDING

The crux of the practice is speaking for your part, instead of from your part.

One of the easiest ways to do this is to use this prompt: ‘Part of me…’

For example, if you suddenly feel convinced that you can’t handle a particular situation, you can identify and unblend from your activated part by thinking or saying: ‘Part of me feels totally overwhelmed right now.’

The difference between silently saying to yourself, ‘Part of me feels totally overwhelmed right now,’ and being engulfed by the thought, ‘I can’t handle this,’ may be subtle, but it’s also very powerful.

As you practise, pay attention to what this shift in perspective does inside you. You might notice it has a calming effect on your body and mind, or things might feel lighter, more hopeful or a little less ‘personal’.