Learning How to Rest

I was going through some old papers recently and found a letter I wrote to my grandparents when I was about about 13. My letter is my reply to a letter my Nanna had written to me while I was unwell.

My Aunty found my letter in a box in my grandparents house after they both passed, and kindly gave it back to me.

Here is what the letter said:

Dear Nanna & Poppa, 

Thanks for your letter. I am feeling better. The results of the blood test just showed a virus. I should be all better soon. 

I am enjoying high school. I’ve had one day off, but I’ll never be sick again hopefully because I had 2 hours of homework the next day!

Lots of Love, 

Cassie xxxxx

I have no recollection of writing this letter, being unwell, or deciding that “I’ll never be sick again”.

Little did I know at the time that the dread of falling behind and having to “catch back up” would continue to make it hard for me to rest for the next three decades…

The young voice captured in this letter is very familiar to me.

It’s the voice of the part of me that really struggles with resting. A part that came into existence when I was about 5 or 6 – around the time I tethered by sense of self-worth to things outside of myself.

Today I call this part of me “Little Miss Achiever”.

Her core (flawed) belief is that she can achieve her way to worthiness.

I have learnt to speak to her like a would a young daughter. I have a relationship with her. I love and care for her.

But I’m careful not let her into the drivers seat of my choices and actions.

Because I know that she is way too young to drive.

I also know that her paradigm and chronic not-enough-ness puts me at very real risk of burnout.

I have been unwell the last few weeks with a particularly nasty cold virus.

I am happy to report that I have been able to rest, thanks to my self-fidelity practice, and my relationship with Little Miss Achiever.

Here’s what I have been saying to her this past few weeks : “It’s OK to rest sweetheart. It’s going all be OK. There really is no rush. “

Paradoxically, it still takes a lot of (inner) work for me to rest.

But the more I practice, the easier it becomes.

What inner practices support you to rest?

If you are on the path from self-betrayal to self-fidelity and might benefit from a little guidance and support, click here to see how I can help.

If you are interested in being part of the pilot for my upcoming online learning program How to Be True to Yourself at Work, please reach out on [email protected]