Worthiness Is Not A Destination

Many years ago, I met a doctor who worked in the emergency department at a busy hospital. She was saving lives at work. Every single day. For real.

And yet, through tears she shared her heaviest secret. She did not feel like she had any value in the world. She did not feel like she was enough.

Her confession hit me hard because her secret was my secret too. I’d been trying to achieve my way to worthiness for decades. Relentlessly chasing down gold stars at home, at school, at university, at workplace after workplace.

I was convinced that I just need to try harder. To do more. To be different. To aim higher.

Her confession hit me hard because I realised that if saving lives wasn’t a ticket to worthiness, then I was screwed because I was trying to get there with fancier job titles and bigger salary packages.

It took another few years for the penny to drop.  To understand that I was I chasing a mirage. To realise that trying to achieve my way to worthiness was a never-ending and dangerous road.

So many ‘high achievers’ are burdened with this same secret struggle.

So many are exhausted by the never-ending drive towards that glittering oasis of worthiness.

And the toll is a heavy one.

They pay with their health, their relationships and their authenticity. They pay with their sense of belonging.

But there is an alternative.

It’s to heal the past hurts that keep us stuck in patterns of unhealthy striving, proving, perfecting and pleasing.

It’s to restore faith our true nature as unique, powerful and imperfect beings.

It’s to learn how to be an authentic leader in a way that is skillful, brave and kind.

It’s slowly but surely cultivate a deep sense of enough-ness that comes from within.

It’s to find the courage to stand up and stand out, even when the world prefers that we sit down and fit in.

At the first step is to realise that worthiness is not a destination we can reach.
It’s a present-moment truth we must recognise.

AUTHENTIC LEADERSHIP: THE TRICKY BUSINESS OF BEING TRUE TO YOUR TRUE NATURE AT WORK

I teach the tricky business of skillful authenticity. In a nutshell, I help leaders be who they need to be in order to do what they need to do to serve the greatest good. I do this by guiding leaders to explore their inner worlds, rediscover their true selves and build trusting relationships with their many different ‘parts’ using an evidence-based model (IFS). As a leadership coach, I work one-on-one and in groups with big-hearted leaders who want to love who they’re being at work, not just what they do. Learn more about my programs and approach to coaching.