True Power: Angela Raspass
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[00:00:00] Today on True Power. I'm absolutely thrilled to be joined by Angela Rasper. Hi, Angela.
Angela Raspass: Hello. You're about as thrilled as I am. Love a good conversation about a juicy topic like this.[00:01:00]
Cassandra Goodman: Oh, well, I've been looking forward to this for some time. So we were introduced to our mutual friend Carolyn Tate. Who's been a previous guest on the podcast and after she was on True Power, she said to me, you've got to get Angela on the show. And so I'm so pleased that you accepted my invitation to come along today.
Angela Raspass: Absolutely. And thank you Carolyn for connecting us.
Cassandra Goodman: Yes, these connections are always so precious. Aren't they good people? Introducing good people to each other.
Angela Raspass: Absolutely.
Cassandra Goodman: So I'm gonna share a little bit, Angelo, about the wonderful work you are doing and then I'll hand it over to you to fill in,~ uh,~ anything that I've missed. But you describe yourself as a business strategist, a self-leadership mentor, and you are the creator of the Spark Advantage.
Which helps fast thinking, purpose-driven women turn their ideas into impact without battling their brains every step of the way. I mean, that, that gave me goosebumps actually just reading that description. That's wonderful. So you've got two decades of business ownership experience in [00:02:00] consulting, mentoring, and you have had a late in life A DHD diagnosis, and so you deeply understand the challenges of not having.
Big ideas. Oh, sorry. The, you deeply understand the challenge of having big ideas, but struggling to get traction. So we'll talk more about this, having big ideas, but struggling to get traction. You are the author of your next chapter, ditch Your Doubt, own Your Worth, and Build the Business You Really Want.
And you are the host of the podcast called Your Next Chapter, which is soon to be relaunched as positively A DHD. So Angela, what would you like to add about who you are and the wonderful work that you are doing in the world?
Angela Raspass: Oh my goodness. No, I, it's funny when you hear, when you hear your own bio coming back to you and it's like, yeah, I'm doing that stuff. ~Um, ~I'm a work in progress, I guess, is what I'd like to add to that. ~Um, ~and I have such a better understanding of why that work kept getting changed and going in different directions and adding [00:03:00] layers and roundabouts and new turns once I, once I had my diagnosis,~ um,~ two and a half years ago.
But yeah, work in progress. Is the best description I can give. I think especially as we get older and we put more layers into our world, more things become obvious to us that did not used to be. So I am powered by curiosity and I have no doubt that there are more changes ahead of me, but,~ um,~ I'm happy about that.
I don't, I don't see it as,~ um,~ detour is any longer. I see it as all part of the journey.
Cassandra Goodman: Of that powered by curiosity. And so would you be willing to tell us a little bit more about your A DHD diagnosis? We had a little bit chat before we recorded, and you said to me that this diagnosis and understanding this about yourself has really been,~ uh,~ kind of central to figuring out what it even means to be true to yourself.
And so I'd love to hear more about,~ um,~ that diagnosis and, and particularly how it's impacted how you think about being true to yourself, and how do you activate your brilliance in the world. Now, knowing this about yourself.[00:04:00]
Angela Raspass: Oh my goodness. It is a, a huge part of my world now. ~Um, ~and I, I know part of me almost. Becomes a little defensive in some scenarios because we've heard the expression, oh, everyone's a little bit a DHD, or Oh my God, everybody's getting diagnosed. It's like the R-S-D-R-S, no, RSI of the eighties type thing.
And ~um, ~I understand how that perception could be there because there has been an enormous uptick. In,~ uh,~ late stage diagnosis in, in women. And that is simply because there was not the knowledge about how this different brain wiring,~ uh,~ presents and impacts women. I was, you know, I was born in 1969, so in the seventies, you know, as a young child and even in the early eighties, there was no one looking.
For A DHD symptoms and, and young girls. I grew up in New Zealand and we really, I believe life has lived forward, but understood backwards. I heard that quote somewhere and it resonated so [00:05:00] much, so I just rampaged and carried on with my life wondering why. You know, I was having inverted comma success in, in many ways, but it was stop start, it was just a little bit spinny.
There wasn't the the linear sort of progression that I thought I should be having because my brain took me on the kiwi expression, ticky tours all over the place because I'm literally led by curiosity, which is a, a phenomenal personal trait in lots of ways. I'm a great trivial pursuit partner. But it also means that, you know, bright, shiny options was a big part of my world for a long time.
So my diagnosis came about as many of them do as a, as an older woman. My daughter was diagnosed and I started and she was 19, and there's a little story around that, but I started reading the information and going. Oh, oh, this is, mm. Wow. Um hmm. And I spoke to a friend who'd been [00:06:00] diagnosed who presented very differently to me.
So I didn't believe that I had a DHD. And she went, Hmm, you've met one A DHD person. You've met one A DHD person. IE it, it expresses itself differently for different people. I went back to my daughter and said, wow. This friend seems to think that I do, and she went, oh duh. Why do you think it took so long for me to get diagnosed?
You thought I was normal, Inver commas. So that threw the door open. I went through the process of diagnosis,~ um,~ and then started learning about what it actually means. To have a DHD. How it has expressed itself in my world, the influences that it put on me that I was totally unaware of, and it really contextualized the last, well, at that stage, 53 years of life.
It was, there's a wee,~ um,~ cycle that I created just to sort of explain or what I was experiencing after the diagnosis. A bit like the grief cycle, [00:07:00] because you start with this like. Surprise. It's like, seriously, I, I've got this thing. And then you move into almost like, ~um. ~This understanding of, oh, that's why it makes sense.
So it's that, that that sort of stage you're at there and then you get sad like, oh my God, if I'd known earlier, things could have been so different. And then you get angry, well, why the hell didn't someone notice this? And, you know, extend the help that I would've benefited from. You get really cranky, then you move into acceptance.
Okay. It is what it is, and then you move into adjustment. Okay, what changes do I need to make now that I recognize that this is a force in my world and I'm in that stage now, it's been two and a half years. The first 12 months was education by Instagram. And then you realize and medication, which has made an enormous difference to me.
And then you realize that there's an expression. Pills don't make skills. So you actually have to knuckle down and start [00:08:00] looking at strategies that are going to leverage this spark advantage as I like to look at it, as well as minimize some of the very real drawbacks and challenges that it, that it poses that I now know why they show up in my world.
Very long answer to the question, but, and there's so much more I could say, but that's a good place to pause just for now.
Cassandra Goodman: Wonderful. Well, thank you so much for sharing that, and I, I imagine those stages that you went through are gonna resonate with so many listeners and. You've already shared one of your strategies. We talked about the timing that we like to have for these conversations, and you explained to me that you have a clock, a visual clock that counts down the watermelon clock that helps you to keep a track of time.
So obviously that's one small tool now in your toolbox. What are the other strategies that have really made a big difference in your life?
Angela Raspass: Oh, there is, there is a lot of strategies, but the first piece is understanding, 'cause this is a, an executive function,~ um,~ challenge, let's just [00:09:00] call it that. And there's many different parts of executive function from, from memory to processing speed, et cetera, et cetera. It's understanding how does the A DHD show up in your world?
And is there a cost? Is it exacting a cost on you in this way? For me, one of the biggest ones is impulsivity. It's like idea action. Hang on a minute. Maybe inserting a pause might be a good idea. I'm not a procrastinator, I'm not, I'm never stuck, you know, ~um, ~in paralysis where other people with a DHD can get stuck there and they take too long to take action.
So a happy medium would be a nice place to land between those two. So the power of the Pause, which is an expression from the recovery movement. I've been in the recovery movement for over 18 years now. And that was another piece of understanding that addiction and untreated undiagnosed A DHD alike like this, they're so entwined.
And that was fascinating to find out as well 'cause it [00:10:00] explained the impulsivity,~ um,~ the RSD, which is called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, which makes us ultra sensitive to criticism from ourselves as much as from perceived criticism from others, which really manifests as self-doubt. As in, well, I've got this great idea, but.
Actually, I probably suck and it's probably a bad idea and like maybe I shouldn't do it. And a lot of comparison. So it's dialing up the self-awareness, knowing how you are impacted personally by this different brain wiring, and then bringing in the strategies for those particular things. So time blindness, totally.
With me, I'll put on like an alarm on my phone. Okay, I'm gonna work on this thing for half an hour. The alarm will go off and I'll argue with time that was not. 30 minutes it was, but I don't. My brain doesn't process time. I now know like my husband's brain. So having that visual time where I can actually see time moving helps me estimate how long something's gonna [00:11:00] take.
And it stops me from having an argument with a clock, which is, you know, sort of pointless. ~Um, ~I. Another key strategy for me is the fabulous file. So the fabulous file because we have, I like to describe it as we have a forgety for the positive, like a bit of a Teflon mind for the positive, and we have a Velcro mind.
For the negative. Yes. So in the corner of my office is literally an enormous big cork board, which has,~ um,~ cards from clients. It's got photos of, like, for example, when my book was in the local bookshop on, you know, being,~ um,~ displayed, I took a photo of that. I've got,~ um,~ screenshots of social media comments.
Suffer from my kids, all sorts of things. So when my brain start, starts to jump on the confident seesaw and wobble, and I basically go, well this is never gonna work. No one's gonna like it. You know, my business sucks, yada, yada, yada. 'cause it happens really fast. I have to anchor [00:12:00] myself with the fabulous file to remind that inner narrative that actually, no, you do good work.
You've had great feedback. This feeling of doubt, it's a temporary thing. Do not allow it to take you off path. So that's another strategy is the fab, is the fabulous file. And the last one, which I will just as an example, Ned Halliwell, who talks a lot about A DH. D, talks about never worry alone. And there's a concept that I've had for years called Belief Buddies, so a belief buddy.
Is someone on tap like Carolyn, that you can go, I'm having a moment. Can you please remind me why I'm doing well in the world? Why it is that I'm focused on this? Just, just give me just. Tell me all the good stuff, right? Because at the moment I am spiraling down. So a belief buddy is there for you and you are there for them.
So those are just a few,~ um,~ small examples. There's lots of more practical A DHD really focused things. But in terms of things that could also help a [00:13:00] listener without A DHD, but have has that high self, self-doubt about really connecting to their own true power and moving forward, I think those things can really help all of us.
Cassandra Goodman: I completely agree. I mean, the fabulous file and the buddy, the belief buddy. I think,~ uh,~ having coached so many people who, who have these moments of self-doubt or feel like an imposter, I. ~Um, ~these are great strategies, I think, for all of us because we all have parts of us that can hijack us from time to time.
You know, parts of us that have lost connection with,~ uh,~ what I would say our true power, our true potential in the world. And, and it's so, ~um, ~such a common thing to lose our way and to start to doubt ourselves. These are fabulous strategies.
Angela Raspass: Yeah. Well, I'm glad they're helpful. Yeah, you, you really do need that, that combination. As a business strategist, I mean, I can help co-create a fantastic positioning and, you know, business model and your office staircase of the services that you provide and talk about marketing till the cows come home.[00:14:00]
That's also a Kiwi expression. ~Um, ~but if you don't have self-leadership. That ability to anchor in your own positive reinforcement rather than relying on external validation, then it's not gonna work. So strategy and self-leadership need to be entwined for you to have that sustainable, aligned sense of fulfillment and contribution and financial reward.
Those three are really important for us.
Cassandra Goodman: I couldn't agree more, Angela, and certainly that's been. If, when I think about the inner work that I've done from a self-leadership perspective, the heavy lifting and all of that has been to kind of, ~um, ~decouple my sense of enoughness, my sense of value in the world from the achievements from the gold stars, which, you know, I spent literally decades being my external achievements.
It's proof of my enoughness, and that's been. Probably over a decade of work to really be able to decouple and, and I was talking to my young son about this, who's getting really good grades at school, and I was saying to him, this is so wonderful. But [00:15:00] as long as you don't start to measure your enoughness by these grades because you are, it's like hitching your heart to a rollercoaster ride because when the grades are, the achievements are are good, we're high as a kite, but when his external recognition is not there, for whatever reason, we plummet.
And I was describing how I've spent decades with Mike. Heart kind of hitch to what I would now call the rollercoaster ride of, of low self-worth. So I really relate to what you shared.
Angela Raspass: That, that there is, I love that. You know, hitching your heart to the rollercoaster is so true. And I think an important distinction that I talk to with my clients a lot is the distinction between your worth and the value that you create. And I think that we sometimes mix them up because your, your worth as a human being is.
Unassailable. I mean, it is there. You could never do another thing. And the very fact that you are human is enough. Right? I'm a Brene Brown fan from, from years back, discovered it worked so long ago where that is different from the [00:16:00] value you create. As a business owner, as an employee,~ um,~ any of those scenarios.
So they're two very different things, and if we can allow that distinction, then I think that goes a long way to uncoupling that, that belief that I am what I do because you're not Yeah. It's an aspect of you. Yeah, it's an
Cassandra Goodman: and we're conditioned for decades. Right. To measure our value in the world by what we do and what we have. We are, we're not taught that, that there's value in who we are. And I do remember seeing a therapist early in my journey, and she said to me, Cassie, we need to get you to a point where you could be literally homeless on the street, no job, nothing.
And to still know that you have value in the world. And I remember thinking, what are you talking about? ~ ~but the more work I've done on myself, the more I understand, which is exactly what you, you say that, I think it's the Mayor Angelou. Quote that says, you are enough just as you are. You know, that, and I always would add, we've got nothing to prove to [00:17:00] anyone.
'cause we are enough, as you say, just because we're a unique human being. ~Um, ~we have this innate value, but it's taken me a long time to realize that truth, that we have innate intrinsic value because of who we are as unique human beings. ~Um, ~it's been decades of work.
Angela Raspass: 'cause there's so much social conditioning that takes us away from that and, and it is difficult and it's so easy to dismiss. Yeah, okay, yes, I know I've got intrinsic worth. Yep, yep, yep. Next. But anchoring yourself with that. To me, self-leadership is about it is that move from external authority to internal, sorry, external validation to internal authority.
But more than that, it's being a safe harbor. For yourself, and that is so tied to your internal dialogue. I know when I'm traveling, well, in terms of I'm well fed and warded and slept, et cetera, et cetera. So I'm in good, you know, good shape because my internal dialogue is a lot more encouraging. What the first thing I notice is.
Slipping is the way I speak to [00:18:00] myself. It's like, oh, you idiots. I can't believe you've done that again. Which is a very, it's, it's a habit, especially as an A DHD because I forget a lot of stuff. I. I've lost count of how many times I've paid the A DHD tax. Just last night I got back from Canberra. I had left my ear, my earphones at home,~ uh,~ at my son's house.
I have tinnitus, so I have music in my ears. Or actually pink noise it's called. That helps them. I can sleep. It drowns out the tinnitus and I'd left them, forgotten them. So I had to go down to, ~um. ~Oh, what is it? The stationary place down the road,~ um,~ at Hopper State last night and get a pair because I know I can't sleep.
That's probably about my sixth pair. Right? And so if I'm traveling, well, it's, I can laugh at myself. Go, ah, there you go. It was out of sight, out of mind. If I am not traveling well, it'll be stupid, stupid, stupid. See, you've done it again. And that to me is very much a red flag. Ah. Okay. You need to stage an intervention on yourself here, [00:19:00] because if we are not a safe harbor for ourselves, if we can't support and take care of ourselves, we are not going to push out onto a growth edge because we are the ones that are always there for ourselves.
So if I wanna try something new, but my internal bully. Is gonna give me shit, excuse my French, then I am gonna stay safe and I won't expand. I won't try, I won't make mistakes. I won't have a growth mindset because I'm gonna beat myself up and the rest of the world can do that. I don't wanna, I don't wanna try and do that to myself.
So just one little. Tactic, if I can suggest, a lot of people would've heard about a gratitude journal like that practice of pointing out the things you're grateful for. And it was a huge part of,~ um,~ early recovery because you are, you just think you are a, you're just a terrible human being, most of us when we first move into recovery.
But, and so what it does, it starts to help your brain, training it to filter for the good, but [00:20:00] you add on the end of it. And what I'm proud of today, like, so what's something that you. You see that you've done well, that you're validating yourself for today. It seems like a tiny thing, but the compound effect of consistently validating yourself, and it doesn't mean that you're saying, I rock when you've made mistakes or mucked up.
I mean, you wanna be honest with yourself, but we are harder on ourselves. Especially women than anyone else will be. So if we do start to chip away at that incredibly high expectation and acknowledge those small steps, those small steps turn into big steps, which turn into running and sprinting and, and off you go, dancing along a growth edge.
So it's just a small thing that I think is really, really helpful in combating that those things that hold us back from our true power.
Cassandra Goodman: Love that Angela. It resonates so much with me and you know, having coached so many leaders, I know there'll be people listening who, who are probably having the thought, [00:21:00] well, if I don't criticize myself, I won't be driven for excellence. And so I've met lots of people who believe that this inner critic.
Is a a, an important aspect of their performance strategy and what I've learned over the years that actually it's a very corrosive way. It's a, and I love that idea of being a safe harbor for ourselves. And I do encourage anyone who's listening who can resonate with this strong inner critic. 'cause I know so many of us have these really relentless inner critics and.
If you've convinced yourself that you need to keep this inner critic in its current role in order to perform, I encourage you to experiment with kinder, more gentle ways to be with yourself, and this idea of being a safe harbor for ourselves. I think it's so valuable and I. I know for me, the turning point in my own self-leadership was understanding that part of me that had attached her self-worth to the gold stars.
This part of me, I call Little Miss [00:22:00] High Achiever, who is very literally a high achieving low maintenance machine, and I've learned that at the end of every day, I actually need to have a quiet in a dialogue with her and say, well done sweetheart. I see how hard you work today. Here's a gold star for this.
Here's a gold star for that. I'm proud of you. You've done well. ~Uh, ~and so if I had that little ritual of almost what you explained of your extension of the gratitude journal moments, I'm proud of. I, I, I expressed to her my pride in her, in my inner world, and that's been a really important practice that helps me come home at night feeling anchored in my core and not.
Having to rely on other people in the household. Recognizing me not, doesn't always work. If my husband's listen thing, he'll be like, well, sometimes you still get crank if I don't ask you how your day was, which is true, but, but that strategy has helped me a lot.
Angela Raspass: Yeah. And look, we're not, we're not perfect. We're not saying that if you practice these things, you're gonna float through life. You know, there was someone in [00:23:00] the recovery movement who had a beautiful expression, I want to wear life like a loose garment. And I was like, oh my God, I want that. 'cause I was wearing life like a straight jacket.
But so we're not saying you're gonna float through untouchable? No, we're human. There's gonna be days when we think we're crap and we, everyone around us annoys the hell out of us, et cetera, et cetera. But these practices are like insurance. They increase the probability of you coming through unscathed and able to expand.
And I think it's a really good idea to name that in a critic like you pointed out. It's a part of you. It's not. It is a part of, so apologies to anybody who knows a Helga, but my inner critic is horrible. Helga in high heels 'cause she tried to trample all over my dreams. ~Um, ~and so. Helga is not original.
She's incredibly repetitive. She is not creative. She says the same crap, she just recycles it. So she's environmentally friendly, but she marks up my environment. So again, if I'm traveling well, if I've had good [00:24:00] connection with people, 'cause that's so important to me, hence why I love these conversations.
If I am, you know, drinking my water and doing all the things I'm supposed to. I can deal with Helga. I can, like she comes in wanting to throw hand grenades around and I'll diffuse them. But if I'm not traveling well, I'll go, oh my God, she's right. And I'll disappear, you know, down the gurgler. So there's another voice underneath Helga, and I call it the Inner Sage.
Like, and that's the quieter voice that says, you know, you've got this, but Helga tends to shout. And so you have to learn to turn the volume down on her so that you can hear the other part of you, which is really that true power, which was, I keep referring to that. 'cause I love that concept that all of your workers wrapped around because true power doesn't scream and, and stomp its foot.
And I could give some really great examples in America right now, but I won't, it doesn't act like that. Because it has that surety, it has no need to prove, it has [00:25:00] no need to push. And it doesn't mean that we are,~ um,~ we don't take action. Not at all, but we take aligned action. That doesn't feel so hussy, you know, it doesn't feel so husty.
I mean, I do a lot of stuff. I don't just sit around on my laurels, you know, manifesting success. I. That was a bit sarcastic. I apologize to the world. ~Uh, ~we have to take action, but it doesn't have to feel like we're pushing the proverbial uphill when we've got our own backs. It just becomes more enjoyable.
And to be honest, why would we not want to cultivate that? Why would we not want things to feel a little more easeful and a little more aligned? 'cause it's hard, hard work whether you've got your own business, whether you are working in a, in a, in a corporation, whether you're a freelancer, a subcontractor, throw parenting into that and all the other roles and responsibilities, it's hard.
So yes, make sure you've got your own back. Be a safe harbor, and then [00:26:00] let your creativity flourish from there.
Cassandra Goodman: I love that. I love that. And often one of the tools I teach to my clients is this simple phraseology, which is part of me feels. X. Another part of me feels Y, but deep down I know Z. And so for me, it's often like part of me is striving and wants to prove herself. Another part of me is terrified that I have no value in the world, but deep down, I know.
I can do this. And so you've got also such a beautiful understanding of the different layers of self and the capacity to understand the different parts that at play in all of our inner worlds. 'cause we are living, breathing by bush dolls. That's the nature of the human condition.~ Um, ~and that deep down beneath that, to your point, is this core of wisdom and strength that you call the sage internal family systems would call the core self, where our, our true potential wisdom and power lies and.
And so that's a nice segue then into, you know, the stories. I know you've had a thing, [00:27:00] Angela, and I'm intrigued about your, your stories that you're gonna share given your understanding of self. Can you think about sometimes in your life when you realized that you were not being true to who you are at your core?
Angela Raspass: Oh my goodness. Yes. They come through. They come through so quickly when you ask that question because I have excavated a lot of this stuff, done a lot of work with a narrative psychologist,~ um,~ and then doing a lot of learning around this A DHD space, and obviously the recovery space. If I go back to.
Being a teenager when we are so desperately wired to become a part of that, that belonging that we all crave, which Brene Brown speaks to so beautifully. And the need when you're looking for that true belonging that we try and fit in, I. So we are chameleon-like I know I certainly was because I now have the context of understanding why I was a bit weird and why I was quite soundly rejected in lots of social situations because I was just.
A little bit strange, [00:28:00] that's be honest. It's a little bit impulsive. And looking back on my school reports, yes, I think the most common,~ um,~ statement was Angela needs to realize she's not the only person in the room. Because I was so like, gotta share this, gotta do this in the moment. So when I realized that who I naturally was was, was not ever gonna belong, I started Chameleon.
Chameleon, Ning. That's a word to try and fit myself in. And so I lost complete sense of who I was and,~ um,~ the addiction pieces of my world were very much about, like dampening the fear so that I could fit in. And so I spent years. Really disconnected from who I was because I was trying to be who you want me to be.
And that's very discombobulating and I'm sure it's not unique, obviously, to someone that doesn't have, or someone that does have a DHD. We are just far more prone to it because we get so much who, [00:29:00] God, you are weird. Why are you doing that? A lot of disapproval, which is painful, incredibly painful. And we wanna, we wanna guard our tender hearts and have that not happen.
And so we will. We will change. Who do you want me to be? I'll be that person even though you don't verbalize that. So definitely throughout those, those younger years. And then another key one, just to give you a second story, when I left corporate land because I had little people and you know, 26 years ago, corporate land was even harder to navigate with little people.
And I had bonus boys as well, two stepsons. So I did what so many women do. I looked at my skills and went, well, what can I do with these? And. It was marketing, it was events, it was sales. So I started doing freelance marketing and it grew and I ended up with a, my first casual staff member, and then demand grew, so I ended up with three of them at home.
We used to push aside the back who gone, and the Barbies. I. Parents will remember those if they had kids of my age and get on with it. And it grew. So I took us [00:30:00] to serviced offices and it grew. So I bought an office in Chatswood and had full-time staff doing marketing,~ um,~ workshops and implementation for lots of small businesses in three different states.
But I had never paused to ask myself. Is this what I really want to do? It? It just sort of happened. It was happenstance and I, and again, I, I've mentioned earlier about how am I traveling? I was smoking like a chimney. I was drinking red bulls, like mainlining them, just, you know, stick, stick another one in the IV so I can keep going.
Kids in afterschool care before school care, I felt like I was a lousy employer. Lousy parent, lousy wa, everything. 'cause I was stretched so thin. My husband had was learning to sail and I had just gone to the airport to pick him up from,~ um,~ the Sydney to Lord, how island race. And he got in the car and he was glowing, utterly glowing.
'cause he'd embarked on what I call his next chapter. And he was totally aligned with. What he wanted to do. And he was, oh my God, we were [00:31:00] sailing, it was nighttime. The, you know, the moon was shimmering on the water. And, and I'm just sitting there simmering. His moon was shimmering and I'm simmering. And he turned to me and said, how was your week?
And I just went and like, and you know, anger, sadness, crying, the whole bit. And he said, so I said, I don't think I can keep on doing this. And he said, so don't, but I didn't believe it was possible because if I stopped that business, if I made a different choice, wouldn't that mean I've failed? How would that look to the world?
You know, I've, I've done a lot of work since then. This was back in 2011, but how I can't, I can't be perceived as being a failure. I've already got enough, you know, litters in the past of projects started and not finished, which I now know contextually is. Classic A DHD,~ uh,~ it took me another 12 months to actually let go of that business and the freedom that came as a result of that decision was life changing and I could actually then pursue and build what I'm really designed to do, which [00:32:00] is not running an agency and being at the beck and call of, of larger businesses.
So two, two stories there, which really, yeah, I look back on 'em and just shake my head, but, you know, we do the best we can until we know better and then we, then we do better.
Cassandra Goodman: Yeah. I love that. Thank you for sharing both those stories and I, I have no doubt that lots of listeners can relate to the, this experience of being in a. Cam being ailing, believing that's the path to belonging with. You know, as Brene Brown says, as you say, you know, we, we think that by fitting in we are gonna find true belonging.
But of course, fitting in is the opposite of belonging and the, the pain and the heartache of, of that,~ uh,~ and this bold but right decision of making the shift when you realize you are out of alignment. ~Uh, ~I mean, these are courageous moves that requires to dig deep. ~Uh, ~and find our courage. So given all that you've learned about yourself, who you are at your core, and the ways you can get off track, you know, how do you think about this idea of being true to [00:33:00] yourself today?
Like, what does it even mean for you today, Angela, to be true to yourself?
Angela Raspass: I think the word that you used before was a really important one, which is, which is courage. And I think another real piece is trust, because you can't actually see where something's going to lead. I mean, when I stopped and stepped away from ideas into Action, which was the agency name into mentoring and doing more personal strategy,~ uh,~ personal business strategy, I didn't know if that was the right choice, but I felt it was the right choice.
There was someone I interviewed on my own podcast,~ um,~ a while ago, and she spoke of the body Barometer. And what you and I were touching on that before we, before we switched,~ um,~ on record. And that body barometer is really important that that feeling. I, I've actually named them. There's the joy jolt, which is that just that feeling of like, yes, and you're feeling aligned.
You're feeling a bit electric. It just, you get it in the gut and the heart, and it's like, I'm on, I'm on the right [00:34:00] path. It just just feels right. Okay. And then there's the opposite, which is the dread drop, which is like, ugh, like I am, no, let me outta here, type thing. And learning to navigate with those has been really important.
But I wanna stress. I'm grounded. Woowoo is probably the way to look at it because I'm a, I'm a, I'm a woman of science, but your heart's gotta come along for the ride. So it's strapping your head and heart on, you know, on each side of the cycle to go for the ride. So I back everything that I do with strategy, but I also trust my gut.
To me, that is where your true power is. It's, it's connecting to what's most important to you, knowing that here is something. For example, when I'm running,~ um,~ a strategic planning workshop, I just did a couple of them with clients in Canberra last week, and I'm totally in flow. When I'm in that environment, there is no room for doubt because I'm doing the thing I was designed for.
Okay? And noticing those flow moments. So you've got the [00:35:00] joy jolts, the dread drops and the flow and those, you can toggle yourself with those. And even though it might not make sense to everybody else. You know, I'm not building an empire, but I am running a practice that allows me a sense of contribution, fulfillment, and financial reward, and that to me is my true power.
However that looks. If those three things and those three,~ um,~ navigation tools that I shared are in sync, then to me that's true power. No one's gonna remember me in a hundred years time, and that's fine. You know, that's absolutely fine because I want to enjoy the work that I'm doing and I want it to make an impact and a difference.
I don't need to be famous to do that. So that's, that's to me what true power feels like.
Cassandra Goodman: Wow. That was a beautiful description. Thank you so much for. Sharing that. ~Uh, ~and so much of that resonates. And I saw Dr. Gal Marta in Melbourne recently, and he talked at length about our [00:36:00] three centers of intelligence, our head, our heart, and our gut. And more and more the science is proving that we have got literally hearts in our,~ uh,~ sorry, literally brains, small brains in our hearts and our guts, right?
And so I, I think more and more leaders across the world are tuning in to, to these. Other sources of intelligence and wisdom and knowing, and I love that line. You said that sometimes you don't know if it's right, but you can feel that it's right. I mean, I think that's just such a powerful. Tool that we have that we don't often give credit to.
You know, I don't know, but I feel that this is the right thing, or I don't know, but I feel that this decision is not congruent with who I am at my core. I mean, that's just such a powerful thing, but, but not often something that you hear people say, right.
Angela Raspass: Yeah. And I think if we add to that, that you can't steer a parked car, right? You've gotta, you've gotta go down the path and then [00:37:00] you can course correct. Like no one has, oh, here's the plan and everything is gonna work exactly as it says here. There'll be step A to Z and off. We go, no, it doesn't work like that, but we have to be a movement.
We have to trust and give it a try, and then get that feedback so we can course correct. That's the scary part. You know, it's not, I, I like the concept of ordinary courage. To me, that's ordinary courage. Just going, I'm not sure I've got this totally right, but I'm gonna give it a go and then I'll. Make changes as I get that feedback that those internal navigational tools, they're really, they're as important as, as a strategic prowess.
You gotta have both because what's the point in being a strategic genius if you're completely off course and, and feel crap about what you're doing? Like, no.
Cassandra Goodman: I couldn't agree more, and I was talking to a coaching client recently and I went back to the old FIN model. I don't know if you remember, there's a four blocker called fin, and it's a different types of problems we need to navigate from simple to complex and. It describes one of the quad Quad quadrants is [00:38:00] complex adaptive challenges.
And in these nature of challenges, which by the way is most of the challenges we're solving in organizations that require multiple factor, multiple systems, interrelating many factors that are out of our control. What that model says is that when we are navigating through a complex adaptive problem, there's no possible way to know the solution ahead of time.
The only way to understand the most important variables is in retrospect, kind of like what you said. We, we live life forward, but we understand it backwards. The nature of these complex problems actually means that there is no. Silver bullet solution. There's no perfect solution that someone can come up with.
We only can figure out the solution, as you say, by driving, navigating through sensing, learning, and responding and gathering data. ~Um, ~and, and the only way we can understand what works and what doesn't is when we look retrospectively at the results of an experiment. And so I think this skill that you're talking about is.
Absolutely [00:39:00] vital today for all leaders because otherwise we do get frozen or worse, we grab for simplistic silver bullet solutions. ~Um, ~we try to convince ourselves and others that, that we found the, the magic answer when, when actually that's just total bs. We've gotta work
Angela Raspass: is, isn't it? Don't you think It's got a lot to do with the way that our world has been reduced to sound bites and snippets. Like we, we want solutions,~ um,~ served up in a 32nd platter and there's impatience that comes along with it. I know impatience is a, is a big thing for me. Like I am not a very patient person and I have to consciously slow myself down.
So I said that's one of my A DHD traits is that impulsiveness and I, I love the sensing learning, and. Responding, you know, as a, as a more tools that we can use. I love that explanation and this, this desire, and I see it in my own clients as well. Like, what's the right answer that's gonna work right away.
And, and I can, I can never promise that because you have to, [00:40:00] everything's a theory until you test it, until you sense and learn and respond as you're moving forward. That's the whole parked car. Scenario, but I, I haven't heard of fin. I'm gonna, now you've opened the curiosity. I'm off, I'm opening a browser as we speak.
Cassandra Goodman: I'll send you a link. It's a, it's an oldie but a goodie. And it, and it's something that we don't often think about. Yeah. And as you say, we are conditioned to be able to find and serve up the silver, silver bullets, but, but they, the, when we try to apply a simplistic solution to a complex problem, it just doesn't work.
So. Yeah, look, there's so much richness in what you shared, Angela. I really cannot wait to get this conversation out into the world, and I can imagine all the wonderful feedback you're going to get about all the pearls of wisdom that you've so generously shared. I'm gonna include a link to your LinkedIn profile, your website, and of course, the names of your book and your podcast.
Is there anything else you'd like to add, Angela, before we wrap up for today?
Angela Raspass: ~Uh, ~well, I'm extremely grateful to have the opportunity to have the [00:41:00] conversation because to me, I've learned so much from listening to the stories of other people. I mean, they, they open skylights in my brain, which, you know, gives me another possibility to, to open up to. So the, I I'm just hoping that there'll be something in here.
Don't try, if there's. I dunno how many pieces that might appeal to you as a listener, but just take one. You know, and try it out because there's no point keeping our inspiration on the shelf. We need to go and, and, and get it working. Like to try these things out. So that would be my encouragement that I'd like to, you know, to add to the conversation, is just take a tool, see if it works for you.
If it doesn't, that's okay. You know, change it, try something else. But, but please do give something a go because. If we don't change, nothing changes. So if we're not happy where we are, let's grab some tools and, and create a path to get to where we feel there's a chance for us to really be in that true power.
Cassandra Goodman: I didn't say it better myself, [00:42:00] Angela, and I have no doubt there's so many wonderful strategies you've shared that people can try on and, and play with, right, with lightness and play. So thank you again. I look forward to our next conversation. And you take care of yourself. I.
Angela Raspass: Thank you darling.
